Letter Of Explanation

It all started with a misspelled French term which Francis Rabatan had made into a big issue. Our fellow FUN committee member, James Pitterman sent an invitation for our RnR (Rewards and Recognition) event last Friday (April 19, 2012) with the phrase misspelled as ‘Bon-A-Petit’ instead of ‘Bon Appetit’. Francis corrected him about the said phrase through an Outlook message sent to all FUN Committee members. James accepted the correction and explained that he can’t resend the invitation again. Francis insisted on his point regarding the misspelled term. The other committee members responded with the same thought as the rest of us, that it was just a misspelled term for our invitation — for the first time, and need not to make a big deal out of it and it won’t have a big impact on our committee since no one aside from him reacted negatively regarding the misspelled term and that invitation was sent first to a supervisor for an approval, and it was approved anyway.

Through series of messages, still Francis didn’t stop so James asked him ‘kung ano ba talagang gusto niya’ since he already admitted his mistake, apologized, proposed that he will be careful next time, and then Karen Bundoc replied if James would even bother asking Francis for a fist fight, jokingly of course. That’s when I responded that Francis wouldn’t go that far because he can’t walk his talk (I know that for certain because Francis got previous issues with several SKIP agents such as Ira Diaz, Charlie Rose Yu, Arcie Perez and whole lot more because of his bossy behavior. You can invite them for a talk if you want to know what kind of colleague Francis is) and he deserves to have his face bombarded. And it was entirely for fun. I am completely joking. I even put lots of HAHAHAs after that and for the record, I have never bombarded anyone’s face, and also James. Hello? I don’t even have any idea where to buy a bomb. I just responded that way since the previous reply was about asking Francis for a fist fight so I exaggerated my response to make it sounds funnier. You can ask the entire SKIP agents even my supervisor how I reacted toward things and how I cracked jokes among them. I am always this loud and my jokes are usually sarcastic, exaggerated and barbaric but it was all meant for laugh. Francis himself knew that, but I know he will deny it the same way he told you guys that he’s not my friend. How could he be not my friend? We’ve been in the same LOB for almost two years now, I treat all of them as my friends and I have never ever bombarded anyone’s face or any part of their body in this company. And even if I can, still I woudn’t because hello, I need this job more than a fight. And this one is way overreacting. Was he physically and brutally hurt after those messages? Even before and after he filed his complaint to the HR? He took the jokes seriously and formed it into his own scared vision and then start saying he’s been harassed and then filed a complaint. Great.

I never harassed Francis Rabatan. Why should I? I may hate him for being so bossy and perfectionist but I will never harassed someone like him. I don’t pick fights with people who can’t fight on my level and I always choose a right place where to pick a fight, definitely not in my work place. Besides, I have better things to do at work than harass a teammate. He is harassing himself. Right after those exchanges of Outlook Messages, James said ‘Uupakan niya’ and Francis even replied, ‘Go’ and such. Then the funny part is he stood up and cried out for help from Krevs and Boss Queena, right after accepting James’ rant. Just like a child. He self pitied. He created his own fears and enemies. He requested to be transferred to a different station because he’s scared with James. Seriously? Who would ever beat a colleague inside the company’s premises, with guards, with CCTV’s, with Managers, Supervisors and co-workers? And even Boss Queena explained that to him, he still insisted to be transferred. He even said he doesn’t want to go back to his station since he got no friends left there. We are his friends. We just argued about that misspelled term but that doesn’t mean we stopped being friends. We just want him to see the bigger picture of the issue rather than pointing out that misspelled term. I guess it wasn’t our problem anymore if he doesn’t treat us as his friends, because if that’s really what he believes, everything we’ll do, even if it’s a joke, will scare him, since he doesn’t consider us his friends. And that’s the problem with him, he only think what he wants to think and believe what he wants to believe. He is never open for ideas and for our voices.

Now, concerning about my Twitter post and Facebook responses which I don’t even know why you allowed to be part of his ‘supporting evidences’ even if it’s clearly not this company’s business anymore since I did not access my Twitter/Facebook using the company’s computer, I did not state or say anything negative about the company’s name, or nature of the business or even his name (on Twitter, I tagged him on Facebook to let him know that we’re fooling around, he even ‘liked’ the post) and it’s my online accounts, I can say whatever I want to say, I can tweet whatever I want to tweet. I’ve been an online citizen since 2004 and not even in my entire online experience that my online accounts were used as an evidence for issues like this. Social media? Seriously? But fine, just to answer all his complaints about me, I’ll explain.I did not discredit and/or malign him on my tweets. Maybe he just felt that way since he created his own monsters here in the office and harass himself by feeling alone and scared and wanting to transferred to a different station. And how cute is that? I did not even mention him on my tweet but he already made up his mind that it’s him? About my Facebook response however, a former SKIP agent James Pirante asked what happened since he saw the tweet (My tweets are linked to my Facebook so they appear on my Wall, so technically, I did not post anything on my Facebook Wall about this issue) so I just replied and told him the same story I have told you in the beginning of this letter of explanation. 

So reading back the Notice To Explain letter you have given me, I guess I can even say that the offense stated there was really serious but our issue is just too childish to go that far, like what he’s trying to do. This could just  be settled in a small talk between him, us and our Supervisor but he really insisted on bringing this to the HR and I apologize for that.

Together with this letter are the screenshots of the Outlook Messages, Facebook Wall post and Twitter post for reference.

Thank you for hearing my side.

ScreenShots

Kailan Mo Ba Talaga Gustong MagMove On?

Bukas ba feeling mo OK ka na?

Pagkatapos mo sumumpa sa planner mo, mangako sa iyong mga kaibigan na iyon na ang huling paglalasing mo na iiyak ka dahil sa kanya. Ang pagiging tulala mo sa gitna ng kasiyahan, iniisip na sana katabi mo siya, kasabay tumatawa, matatapos na rin nga ba? Gaganahan ka na bang patulan ang mga pagkaing nasa iyong harapan, at pipiliting ‘di maalala lahat ng sandaling sabay kayong kumakain, at tingin pa lang niya, busog ka na.

Sa pamamaalam mo sa inyong nakaraan, kaya mo bang hindi gumamit ng ibang tao? Na magmomove on ka mag isa mo. Walang rebound. Walang paaasahin. Kasi kung ganu’n lang rin, hindi lang ang iyong sarili ang sasaktan mo, kundi pati puso ng inosenteng tao. At lagi mo lang siyang hahanapin sa taong iyon, kung magkakaroon man ng kung sinong gustong gamutin ang sugatang puso mo. Hindi ka makakalaya sa alaala niya. Pipilitin mo siyang ibalik sa katauhan ng ibang tao. Tandaan mong dapat ay nag iisa ka sa pag aaklas laban sa kadena ng lahat ng pinakamagandang memorya kasama siya. Walang sinuman ang nakakabalik sa nakaraan.

Nakahanda ka na ba kung sakaling bumalik siya ulit? Kapag muli siyang kumatok, magtext at mag-hello? Aya’n ka na naman ba? Nanghihina sa loob ng kanyang mata, natutunaw sa mga ngiti niya. At magsisimula ka na naman sa umpisa, babaunin na lang ang lahat ng hakbang na ginawa mo para makalimot na sana. Magbabakasaling magawa niyo na ngayong magtagumpay. 

Babalik at babalik siya, sa isang kanta, isang lugar, isang nakaraan ngunit ang pinakamahalaga ay ang iyong kontrol sa iyong puso, sa iyong isip at sa iyong sarili na hindi na muling magpatalo sa lahat ng ‘Paano Kung’ kesa sa ‘Paalam Na’ . Huwag mong hayaang habang buhay na sariwa ang iyong mga sugat at minamanhid lang kanyang mga salita. Hindi lahat ng pag ibig pinaglalaban. At hindi dahil sumuko ka na, ay hindi mo na siya minahal. Hindi mo makikita ang malaking larawan ng pag asa kung nakatitig ka lang sa kanya. Subukan mong lumayo, pilitin mong lumayo. Makikita mong piraso lang siya ng iyong pangarap. Minahal mo siya, ginawa mo na ang iyong bahagi sa inyong istorya, sana siya naman.

Kapit lang. Walang hapding panghabambuhay. Minsan, iyong ibang kirot, dulot na lang ng sarili nating pag iisip. Ginusto na natin. Kaya kailan ka kakawala? Kailan ka lalaya sa pagkakabilanggo mo sa nakalipas?

Kung hindi na para sa inyo ang isang kwento, huwag mo nang pilitin pa. Simulan mong tanungin ang iyong sarili kung saan mo ba dapat inuubos ang iyong oras at luha. Kung kailan ka ulit sasaya nang hindi nasasaktan. At kung kailan ka muli magmamahal na hindi dahil sa kailangan mo siyang palitan.

Kailan mo ba talaga gustong magmove on?

How's The Pain? Worse Than The Fear

Natagpuan mo na ba itong taong kapag tinitigan ka e nalulunod ka sa loob ng kanyang mga mata? Iyong taong parang droga. High na high ka kapag nandiyan siya. Cloud 9! Hindi mo maexplain pero gusto mong lagi mo siya kasama. Katabi. Kayakap. Kalaplapan 

Nakilala mo na ba siya? Iyong taong ilulugar ka sa buhay niya pero hindi mo alam kung saan. May bahagi ka sa puso niya pero hindi ka sigurado kung ano ang papel mo talaga? Pero lahat ng tanong na iyon, nawawala sa isip mo kapag nakangiti na siya. At kapag sinasabi niyang masaya siyang nakilala ka niya. Ayaw ka niyang mawala. Hanggang pagtanda. Pakonti konti, mararamdaman mong mahalaga ka sa isang taong unti unti umaangkin ng iyong puso, ng wala kang kamalay malay. Hindi mo nakokontrol ang iyong sarili. Ang alam mo lang, tama na muna ang mga tanong. Gusto mo lang yakapin ang bawat segundo kasama mo siya. Paisa isa, dahan dahang dumudulas ang mga daliri niya upang hawakan ang iyong mga kamay, sa harap ng maraming tao, o kapag magkasabay kayong naglalakad. Magigising ka na lang isang araw, hinahanap hanap mo na ang amoy ng buhok niya, at kung papaano niya banggitin ang pangalan mo o ang tawagan niyo. Lahat ng simpleng bagay na ginagawa niya para sa ‘yo, katulad ng pagtawag sa telepono, pangangamusta, pagsasabing ‘Mag iingat ka’, ‘Akin ka lang’, ‘Huwag kang mawawala’, ‘Tayong dalawa habang buhay’, ‘Ikaw lang’, ‘Buti na lang nandiyan ka’, ‘Salamat at nakilala kita’, mangangamusta, tatanungin kung ‘Kumain ka na ba?’ at magpapaalang ‘Tulog na, paggising mo bukas, mahal pa rin kita’

Naramdaman mo na ba? Na mas masarap sa loob ng mga yakap niya. Mas matamis ang kanyang mga halik at nakakausap mo na siya sa kanyang mata at labi. Sa harap niya, hindi ka lang nagiging ikaw, nailalabas mo ‘yung sarili mong tinatago mo lang sa panaginip, at sa loob ng banyo. Binibigyan ka niya ng lakas ng loob, ng kapayaan, ng inspirasyon at ng dahilan para gumising sa umaga na masaya. Ganado ka araw araw. Kinikilig ka na. Hindi mo ito kailanman naging plano pero sa isang iglap, naging malaking bahagi na siya ng buhay mo. At ikaw rin, sumakop ka na ng malaking lugar sa puso niyang dati ay inaasam asam mo lang.

Pero hindi kayo magkasintahan ha. Pero may tawagan. Hindi magjowa pero nagmamahalan. Magkaibigan pero hindi lang magkaibigan, laging may salita muna bago ‘yung ‘friend’. Pwedeng close, best, sweet, super. Depende sa trip niyo. Para lang maitago ‘yung katotohanang hindi kayo magsyota pero mahal niyo ang isa’t isa. O dahil ‘yung isa lang ang nagmamahal. O parehas pero magkaiba ng level.

Napaisip ka na ba? Na bago siya dumating sa buhay mo, OK naman ang lahat. Pero pagdating niya, parang mas lalong naging OK. Naging special ang halu halo, dumami ang color sa color wheel at may reason ka na para magwish tuwing 11:11 na. Marami na kayong pictures magkasama, iniisip ng mga tao kayo na, ginagawa niyo na ang mga bagay na ginagawa ng magsyota, daig niyo pa nga minsan e. At masasabi mo na lang sa sarili mong mahal na mahal mo siya.

Naihanda mo ba ang iyong puso? Na isang araw matatapos bigla lahat,may matatagpuan siyang iba o natagpuan niya na pala, inilihim lang sa ‘yo. Nakilala niya pala ‘yung gusto niyang panindigan. Naramdaman niya nang mahal ka niya pero hindi sa paraang nararamdaman mo. Saka siya mapapaisip na saibihin sa iyong huwag mo siyang mahalin ng higit pa sa magkakaibigan at hindi niyo na maibabalik kung ano kayo dati. Kung anong mero’n, kung gaano kasaya.

Mula sa pinakamalalambing na palitan ng salita hanggang sa unti unting pag iwas dahil may isang nasasaktan. O may isang wala nang ibang pagpipilian kundi ang lumayo, pilitin ang sarili niya lumimot, ibaling ang kasalanan dahil nagmahal siya, at wala siyang ibang magagawa dahil wala siyang karapatan. Mula sa pinakamalapit na magkaibigan pabalik sa pagiging magkakilala na lamang.

Nasabi mo ba sa sarili mong ‘Tangina, ang tanga tanga ko’ ? Tapos gigising ka araw araw na nakikipaglaban sa sarili mong nararamdaman at pinipilit isiping wala siyang kasalanan. Babalikan mo sa memorya mo lahat ng pinagdaanan niyo at hahanapin mo ang unang pagkakataon na nagkamali ka o siya. Kakapit ka sa mga natitira pang  dahilan kaya nakakaya mo pa tiisin ‘yung sakit.

At sa mga pangako niya. Pukinangina ng mga pangako niya.

Shet lang.

———

Hindi ko na kaya pa magsulat, inuuhog na ako kakaiyak.

@.@

Goodbye Friend

Tinatanong mo ba minsan sarili mo kung bakit kaya ‘di kayo nagwork out? Ay mali. Tinatanong mo ba PALAGI ang sarili mo kung bakit kaya ‘di kayo nagwork out? Hanggang ngayon ba, hinahanap mo pa rin kung saang banda nagkamali? Anong nangyari? Bakit dati ang OK OK tapos ngayon ang leche leche na?

Ang dami dami kong tanong. Hindi ko rin kasi talaga alam kung bakit naging ganito. Ending na ba ‘to? So ganito ‘yung ending natin? Hindi tayo magkaaway pero hindi rin tayo pwede maging magkaibigan? WWW. As in What Went Wrong. Ang gusto ko lang naman e maintindihan kung bakit hindi na tayo tulad ng dati. Iyong walang ilangan. Ngayon kasi ibang iba na. Alam mo ‘yung nararamdaman ko ‘yung lamig kapag nandiyan ka, kahit tanghaling tapat. Hahaha. Ang weird. At mas weirder pa na I’m actually doing this blog like I’m really talking to you, face to face kahit na alam kong hindi ka na bumibisita sa blog ko unlike before. You were my friend back then. At namimiss na kita. :(

Ang hindi kasi nila alam ay ‘yung thought na namimiss na kita. I miss my friend in you. Sobrang miss na miss ko na. Pero everytime na nakikita kita, I don’t know if it’s on purpose pero you always makes me feel na I’ve done wrong kaya ganito na treatment natin sa isa’t isa. At lagi kong hinahanap in my past kung ano ‘yung nagawa ko. And I end up in the same reason.

Masyado kitang minahal. At nakakainis lang na ‘yung same love which kept us together is the very same love that tore us apart.

I know you are completely happy now without me. At masaya ako para sa ‘yo. Iyon lang naman gusto ko dati pa ‘di ba, na sana lagi kang masaya. 

Saka ayoko na magdrama sa ‘yo kaya dito na lang sa blog ko kasi sabi ko ‘di ba, never na ako ulit magdadrama sa ‘yo. Besides, I don’t think I’ll be seeing more of you again.

Ang dami dami nang nagbago.

You’re a complete new person now, and I guess I just have to agree with that. 

So long.

Candyshop

Alabang